December 2016

Thank you tree for letting me lean against you.

This morning on my usual walk I saw you. I noticed you. I appreciated and valued you.

Thank you tree.

As I walked around you I marvelled at your shapes, textures and folds. I followed your trunk up with my gaze to your far up tall big strong branches. And I felt how still and yet strong you are. And I felt with the skin of my palm and fingertips – rough and smooth and warm comfort.

So I sat down beside you on the ground and snuggled up against you, into you. I felt my back up against you, resting on, being supported by your strength.

i can feel anything here. I could even dare to show you my shadow less-than-perfect-all-the-time self. The bit that we can deny or push-down, not appreciate when it is around. Yet here it is. And here I am. So I lean on you freely and I let my body weight be held, supported by the ground underneath me.

How deep do you go tree roots?

How deep do you go earth and ground? Far, far bigger than me. And that feels good. Solid. Safe.

And I can feel here. I can show and let all of me be here – all of my emotions, fears, doubts, joys, insecurities and hope, pride.
For you stay here, big and strong, tree and earth.

Thank you.

To be held, supported in this way, without judgement or the other having obvious needs, is very precious.

And I love it. I love these times when there is no-where else to be, no-thing to do or fix or create. Just being held from a vast, spacious, strong and grounded place.
And I love it.

Thank you tree. Have a great day now. xxx

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I went to the gym for a workout tonight, after my child was in bed.

At first I thought, “No, why am I here? I don’t want to be doing this again, when it’s late and dark and bedtime. I should be at home. Everyone else is, probably”.

But still I moved. I walked. I stretched. I tried running.

Fun music came on, then another. Then one I didn’t like. Then another good one.

I could, and did, move freely. And my mind wondered, but it did so freely, and at my pace, with my ideas and along my train of thoughts and imaginings.

And there I suddenly was, moving freely, thinking my own thoughts. Here I am! Hello.

And I moved my body and wondering ideas until there I was. I found me again – “Hi!” and I moved to another piece of equipment, then stretched. And now I remember, I know who and what and why I was again.

And I had space. And (and this surprised me) I had a clear palpable sense of achievement, success and completion. That my day feels complete – ahh.

And that ain’t something that comes often in the life of a mamma.

And I’m grateful. And tired of course, now I’m back home and writing this. But it is a good tired. It’s a “I’ve done enough” tired and a “something, a task, something really real is finished” tired.

And I feel great. Proud and well and great.

And I’m grateful I got to go.

Thank you body and thoughts and decisions, for here I am again. Thank you very very much.

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What I’m learning now…

I’m learning that saying no, that being quiet, that having space to breathe – planned or not, deliberate or not – is useful.

It is ok to not be busy all the time.

Where is the reflection? Where do my thoughts and needs go then?
Can the insights be heard and received when I am not there? When I am ‘doing’ the ‘successful’ yes-I’ve-made-it ideas we see so often in the media.

For now, as I find some unexpected open time, will I judge it? Will I need it/me to be busier, bigger, more or somehow different?
Or is it OK – necessary for my peace of mind in fact – to also have quietness? To also have times where I am not achieving?

For this is where my soul can speak and say “Hi”.
This is where my intuition thrives.

First in, then out.
First self-awareness and self-responsibility and then do.
First nurture and listen, fill my bucket – then this overflows beautifully to those around me too.

What I’m loving now…

I’m loving walking outdoors in sunlight.
The trees and leaves waving “Hey there” gently as I move beneath them.
The rhythm of first my feet, then my body, then my heartbeat. Increasing awareness of where I am, how I am and who I am.

As I take a step on the earth, as I move my body, I feel.
I feel this moment, this particular sensation (air on my skin, muscles contracting and relaxing in turn). My breath becomes deeper and I feel alive and more present than I have all day.

When I am unsure, I walk. When I feel stuck, I walk.
Not far and not hard – that is not the purpose, for me now anyway.

10-15 minutes moving and owning my body helps me remember who I am and what I need.
Inspiration, ideas, insights may come too.
But mainly, I am me, here, now and that, that is plenty.

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When was the last time you touched the earth?
Bare skin, feet, hands or arms – anything?

How many layers are between you and the earth right now?

Could you take a moment today to find a patch of grass and rest on it?
Sit down, place your bare feet or hands on the earth and feel. Feel how big she is.
Feel how deep she goes.
Feel the temperature, the textures.

Feel how connected you are now and then again in 5-10 minutes.

Listen to your body here. What does it want or need? To meditate, to roll, lay back and watch the sky?

Do whatever it is that calls you now…

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