I went to the gym for a workout tonight, after my child was in bed.
At first I thought, “No, why am I here? I don’t want to be doing this again, when it’s late and dark and bedtime. I should be at home. Everyone else is, probably”.
But still I moved. I walked. I stretched. I tried running.
Fun music came on, then another. Then one I didn’t like. Then another good one.
I could, and did, move freely. And my mind wondered, but it did so freely, and at my pace, with my ideas and along my train of thoughts and imaginings.
And there I suddenly was, moving freely, thinking my own thoughts. Here I am! Hello.
And I moved my body and wondering ideas until there I was. I found me again – “Hi!” and I moved to another piece of equipment, then stretched. And now I remember, I know who and what and why I was again.
And I had space. And (and this surprised me) I had a clear palpable sense of achievement, success and completion. That my day feels complete – ahh.
And that ain’t something that comes often in the life of a mamma.
And I’m grateful. And tired of course, now I’m back home and writing this. But it is a good tired. It’s a “I’ve done enough” tired and a “something, a task, something really real is finished” tired.
And I feel great. Proud and well and great.
And I’m grateful I got to go.
Thank you body and thoughts and decisions, for here I am again. Thank you very very much.
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